Monday, July 26, 2010

Not Love Sick Sick of Love

i woke up this morning and it was a pretty good day until i realized that everyone around me is getting a bf or gf. its really draining and that sounds weird. the fact is everyone i know age thirteen to over twenty is getting together with someone and it's somewhat hard to know that i am one of the few girls my age who has never kissed a boy of held the hand of someone I've been in love/had a crush on. i feel left behind in the romance department and every other department i know. I've never been big on love but it's slightly painful to know that I've never actually experienced it. then the time comes and my friends expect congratulations or some sort of proof that i too love them and would do anything for them. currently I'm not love sick more like I'm sick of love. i will probably never find "the one" but I've always dreamed of getting married and having kids, adopting or otherwise and not as i become older and older i begin to feel like the possibility's of that ever happening are becoming slimmer and slimmer. it may just be a phase that will pass soon but i know how i feel now and that's enough for me. i don't know if I'll ever find the one or if it will never come to pass but i hope that one day I may be able to experience love as truly as everyone else i know.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The rich pauper

my family isn't wealthy, we don't have a lot of money and we most likely never will, i will probably never have clothing from limited two or diamond earrings as a gift, there will never be trips to foreign country's or extravagant mall shopping spree's, I've never had a credit card and wont until i have my own job, all in all my family's doesn't have a lot of money and we're not wealthy. however my family is one of the richest i know. because no matter what we always have each other. we may not get along but we truly love each other. to begin with there is my brother Jacob, he has a few issues he needs to work out and that's no joke, he gets easily upset and likes to argue, he sleeps in as late as he can and then gets mad when hes woken up late, hes bratty and slightly selfish and i couldn't ever ask for a better brother. for you see even though he has a lot of bad points he has a bunch of good ones as well. he is sweet, hes given me an i-pod, two laptops a phone and rides when ever i needed one. second he protects me, he watches out for me tries to make sure I'm happy, and most of all hes unexpected, he watches soap opera's and plays computer games with my mom. next comes my mom, shes not the perfect parent.....not even close actually. she makes a bunch of mistakes and is slightly fragile she ignores me sometimes though never on purpose and she doesn't know my favorite color. but...
my mom is BRAVE she would stand against the devil himself to make sure i am safe. he is LOYAL, as long as we are both alive i will never have to worry about lack of friends because i will always have her. she is STRONG, no matter what happens she keeps on going, it may not be with a smile but she will never give up. and she LOVES me she would do anything for me if i asked no matter what, i said earlier I'll never go on trips to foreign country, at least not as a child, but i know if wanted to go somewhere badly enough i would be going, i still remember a trip i went on a few years ago, we didn't exactly have the money but she still found a way to send me on the trip AND gave me money to spend on souvenirs. more then anything though my mom is TRUSTING i can do whatever i want as long as it doesn't hurt me or someone else, i can hang out with who ever when ever as long as she knows the who what when and where or i at least have my cell phone on me. so i may not have the most money but i am the richest pauper in the world.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

My Double Piercings

about a week ago i let my friend pierce my ears, i didn't even tell my mom right away, not to say i didn't have permission she knew i was planning on doing it but she didn't know when or where i would get it done but she DID know, however i don't know WHY i did it so spur of the moment and today i reached a conclusion its because I'm almost 18 and have never done anything to "rebel" and i suppose unconsciously i needed to do that before i became an adult or i would have felt like i had to commit some act of rebellion before it was to late. I'm not upset about what i did and my mom supports me and all of my decisions, but the thing is i wonder if i would have felt MORE satisfaction if my mom hadn't supported me, i mean if she HAD grounded me or gotten into more of an argument or something would i have felt like my rebellion had actually meant MORE to me. i guess i'll never know but for now my one act of rebellion will have to be satisfactory.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

outcast with class

outcast with class

it seems simple to be a teenager in this day and age but the truth is its actually very hard. you feel constant pressure to be someone you’re not and even if you overcome that pressure you re looked upon as an outcast. my whole like I have felt like an outcast, I don’t truly belong to any one group and I never have had a group I’ve hung out with more than others. I can simply be called an outcast but I like to think of myself as an outcast with class for while I am an outcast I also have many groups I am welcome in, the colorgaurd groups are good friends of mine, I know a few and the ones I don’t know seem more than happy to allow anyone to be around the band kids know me well and I’ve grown up with a good half of them, though I don’t always feel as welcome, perhaps that is simply because I have always been jealous of those who can play an instrument any kind at all. I have friends who are jocks and punks, those who are lesbians and gay, I have friends who are preps and emo and that as just a fraction. more than anything if you need something done, anything at all the likelihood is I know someone who can do it. I have friends who can knit you a scarf sew up your pant leg if its ripped, I have friends who can teach you math science English w/e you need, if you need to learn new tongue, those are just the simple things, I have a friend who does piercings and friends who can hack a computer anything and everything I know someone who can do it. the fact of the matter is that I have friends who are from every social standing because if I didn't I would miss out of everything. if I belonged to a certain group I wouldn't get to know everyone and who they are, which is why I’m proud to call myself an outcast with class.